I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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