btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize