she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize