I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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