Your dad touched me again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
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Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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