I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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