like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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