i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
where are my eyebrows?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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