No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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