so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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