so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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