weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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