dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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