need another drink. this is the easiest way
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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