We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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