my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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