You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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