I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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