I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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