If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
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