please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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