So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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