if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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