Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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