you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize