That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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