I feel like abortions should bother me more
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize