Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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