We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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