I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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