The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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