He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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