You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize