the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize