He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I deserve this hangover.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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