worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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