you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize