We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
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I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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