he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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