he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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