I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize