you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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