We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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