Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize