please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
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I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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