She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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