wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize