it was like eating out sand paper
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
there is another microwave in the elevator.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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