My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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