I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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