I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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